Free Insanity

So.

I checked my e-mail for school a few minutes ago because my Ecology Instructor called me and asked me to respond to her e-mail asap.

As we didn't give her our phone numbers, she had to call the school to get it...(I'm suprized they gave it to her, actually)

But, I checked it and now am extremely frustrated. We had the choice to go solo on this group project and I chose to go solo because my class is nothing but cocky PSEO students and lazy students. Grrrr.

But this is what her e-mail said:

Of course, I'm going to agree to this. Of course this guy is going to take advantage of me and try to ride on my magic carpet of intelligence..lol. This does not make me happy. Any suggestions on how to make this as painful as possible?

Dammit.

Most of you know I'm currently working on my college education. Some of you know that I'm a science major. A few of you know that I love to read and write. My mom doesn't understand why that isn't my major. The biggest reason why it isn't? It's easy. It's easy to read a great book. It's easy for me to write an A paper. (I wrote a 3 page paper a half-hour before it was due and recieved an A). While there are some aspects of college writing that I struggle with..ie.  STRUCTURE is a MoFo for me..I can still do it fairly well. It's not..well...it's not HARD. Science is HARD. I have to really buckle down and study for science. Part of why I love it so is because it doesn't come easy...I have to work for it..but I thoroughly enjoy it. More specifically, cellular or microbiology. *And it only has a little bit to do with my first microbiology class and the instructor..yes..he was my PBF and I won't deny it any longer. YUM*

So, in order to fulfill college requirements, I have to take Comp II. Not a problem. Comp I was a breeze, my environmental literature, and ethics classes were full of papers..so I've got this in the bag..right? WRONG!

The instructor wants 5 paragraph ESSAYS. I'm used to writing 5 page papers, which of course include intro, body, and conclusion paragraphs..but I can WRITE. I'm flamboozled by this. He also told us we could make stuff up, we didn't have to cite sources, but to make sure it was believable. What is this??

So we've had 3 "essays" so far. I'm used to getting A's on my papers, with the occasional B. The three essays I've handed in? The first one was a low B..almost a C..the second paper..C..and the 3rd I haven't recieved back yet. But, while in conference with the instructor...which I've done twice..the first time he told me I had a bad attitude because I told him I felt he was teaching things we learned in 9th grade English class. The second conference we had about my second paper..which I forwarded to my Comp I instructor who LOVED my paper...and my current instructor recommended I get a writing tutor.

What. The. Fuck.

Bitch, I write for the College Newspaper which you have to submit work and then be accepted to join) I have 2 recurring COLUMNS in the newspaper. I've won writing contests (in high school, but still).

Then I take a deep breath, calm down, run home and grab my file with every paper I've ever written in college and head to the ACE tutor lab to speak with the writing tutors. Maybe he's right. Maybe I'm not as good as I believe I am.

I share my story with the writing department in the lab. I show him my "portfolio". We talk about writing, structure, rules, voice, expression, etc. We talked for over an hour. By the time I left, I left with a JOB as a FUCKING WRITING TUTOR. Not a work study position, but I was HIRED by the COLLEGE. You're reading the blog of the ACE lab's newest Intro the Writing, Intro to Reading, and Comp I tutor. Making over ten bucks an hour. To tutor.

Oh, and in conclusion...I totally win. And YOU lose.

And BTW - I have special permission to test the fuck outta your class.

Yes, my oldest son has H1N1. We found out 2 days after he said he wanted to get the vaccine. What started out as a viral lung infection became the dreaded H1N1. Chase had RSV when he was a baby and has had several bouts with brochitis in his short life. We were so worried that it would become fatal. Like any other mother, once I found out he had it..the news coverage information just wasn't enough, so I googled and WebMD'd that shit until my fingers grew numb. I found out some good news, ie. the fatality rate of H1N1 is only .02%, whereas the regular flu has a fatality rate of .1%. Even though more people have died of it this year than the regular flu - it's because the infection rate it higher. But I'll leave the statistics alone for now. What I knew for sure - we had to keep Chase out of the hospital..because that's almost like a death sentence for H1N1.

Like the flu, there's really not a lot the doctor can do for the H1N1. You basically have to let it run it's course. The doctor said if Chase started having trouble breathing to bring him to the ER..which I was positive would wind up happening because of his health history and his lungs were already compromised.

At then it happened...

I come upstairs after doing laundry to find him alseep on the couch. I'm glad he's resting. I walk over to him to feel his forehead to make sure his fever is still down...and his lips are blue. I check his fingers and the tips are blue. Inside, I'm screaming no. No. NO!. He is breathing, I check. But he's not getting enough oxygen...his levels are low...this is it..we've got to go. I calmly wrap him in his blanket, heft him up into my arms, grab my keys, walk to the car while calling 911 to let them know we are on the way. He doesn't feel as heavy as he did yesterday..is he leaving me already? I've been scared before, in fact, I've been terrified. But nothing I've ever experienced comes close to what this feels like. I can't breathe...I can't breathe.

Chase moans and says his stomach hurts. I tell him, I know baby, we're on the way to the doctor, he'll make you feel better. But I wonder, am I lying to him? Am I making a promise that will be broken through no fault of my own?

I think I know why my stomach hurts, Mom. He whispers. Oh God, I think..does he know? Does he know what this means? He's always been smart, abnormally so sometimes. Why do you think your stomach hurts? I ask him.

**

**

Because I ate all that blue sugar.

**

**

My heart, brain, and stomach stutter. What?!

You did what? What did you eat?

I ate the blue sugar candy from the candy bowl.

I grab his hand, look more closely at his blue oxygen-deprived fingertips..and sure enough...it's that blue colored sugar.

I burst into a combination of tears and laughter, redailing 911 to tell them the situation is not nearly as deadly as I originally believed..and that Chase is certainly feeling better since he was able to eat and keep down candy.

But in a couple years, the situation will be deadly. Because I will be kicking his ass repeatedly for this.

Oct. 18

• A man, his wife and two children were out for a walk when a great dane-cross dragging a chain ran toward them, barking and growling. The man placed himself between the dog and the stroller that contained his 1-year-old child, and the dog bit him through his jeans, breaking the skin and causing contusions. A woman came out and tried to pull the dog away, but had a hard time controlling the dog. The man was taken to the hospital for treatment, and the dog was quarantined and classified under ordinance as a “potentially dangerous dog.”

• A man reported an odd occurrence from the previous night. He said he was out on Wadena County Road 30 when he saw a bright blue light in the sky. The man said it was approximately 30-40 yards up, and the light completely surrounded his pickup. The man said he didn’t believe it was a UFO, but wanted to report it just in case.

A rapid great dane and an odd blue light. The world is coming to an end.

Again, these were taken from the Police Scanner article in the local paper.

Even though this happened on my birthday..I swear it wasn't me!!

Sept. 21

• A woman was detained at a local store for allegedly attempting to shoplift several items worth $35.81. Among the items were earrings, a flashlight, migraine pills, batteries and a Trojan fingertip massager.

*Taken from the Police Scanner article in my local paper..

So..kind of embarrassing..but after 10 months, I'm not sure what else to do..

My boyfriend has two teenage girls...B who is 14 and E who is 15.

To get them to take care of themselves is like pulling teeth. They don't shower on a regular basis, wear their underwear until it is crusty (this I know because I do the laundry), and when they have their period, they will get stains on their underwear (Which happens, I know), but instead of taking it off, and putting fresh, clean underwear on, they will continue to wear it. They wear their socks until those too,are crusty. They don't brush their teeth on a regular basis,(their teeth are YELLOW) only E wears deordorant, and never wash their face. B suffers from acne really bad, and E wears makeup constantly, never washing it off, just reapplying it in the morning.

I've tried everything I can think of..buying them really cool and nice smelling bath products, letting them use my stuff, sneaking deordorant into their bathroom so they always have it, buying the kind of toothpaste they like, explaining to them about how important it is, esp. when they are on their period, and explaining that not washing can lead to UTI's, and infections "down there". I've even told them that high school girls are mean, and one day a girl can notice another girl smells bad, or has dirty hair..and it will stick with them all through high school and they'll be known as the "smelly girl".

WHAT ELSE?

This is not something I am willing to compromise on. The girls HAVE to have good personal hygiene. Period.

So..what do I do? Aside from putting them in the shower myself and scrubbing them head to toe...I don't know what else to do?

I know that they've seen me take showers on a daily basis, wash my face every night, brush my teeth, etc. because I make a point to mention that I've done these things to them. So that maybe they will get the hint. They don't.

I know that their mother has had these talks with them as well, and so has their dad.

So what now?

My dear dear fellow Voxers...

I need your help. I've been put in charge of the advice column at the newspaper I write for (for school - college) and have been given the task of creating followers. Well, in order to create followers for a non-existant column..I need your questions for advice. har har. (not that I'm really qualified to give advice, but I'll give it a shot.)

So, I'm asking, no, begging, and pleadin with you, my lovely Vox neighborhood to send me an email at wbjgraham@gmail.com with a question. Anything. Everything. If it's out of my realm of knowledge..I'll google that shit.

PLEASE! By not only writing for the paper, but running the advice column and creating a following for it will look absolutely stellar on my transfer application!!!! And when I'm rich and famous...when I'm working in my lab on the cure for cancer when I'm FINALLY a microbiologist - I will remember you. And when I am published in a medical journal...or biology journal - or where ever else - I will dedicate my articles to ya'll!!!

THANK YOU SOOOOO MUCH!

If you don't want to e-mail me, you can always leave a comment on this post.

THANKS AGAIN!

About two years ago..I did several blogs on my friend and friendship with a girl named Zoey. Which of course..have all been deleted.

But about a week ago, I got a message from her on facebook...wanting to catch up. After two years. Of Nothing.

And I remembered what it felt like to lose that friendship...and it fucking sucked. To put it mildly anyway.

So..after a careful and thoughout deliberation...this is what I sent her *names have been changed

Hey.

I haven't been trying to be rude by not responding to your message right away, but I seriously had to think about whether or not I wanted to catch up. And whether or not I wanted to start the cycle we tend to go through each time we reconnect. So I'll apologize for taking so long to respond.

To answer your questions: I'm doing great. I'm up to school, work, and raising kids. Things really are good for the boys and me.

Two years ago I lied when I said I was ok with our friendship coming to an end. I wasn't. At all. In the span of 4 months, I lost my husband and my best friend. And that killed me. And it changed me. For the better, I'd like to think...because now I know my limits. I know what I'm capable of giving and what I deserve to be given in return.

Originally when I figured out what I was going to do about your message, I wasn't going to respond to it. I was just going to delete it and pretend you never sent it.  But then I realized if the tables were turned, I'd want to know. I'd want to know why. So here's why:

You are beyond my limits, Zoey. If we reconnected - and one of us walked away again - I'm not sure I'd be able to get past it. That's how bad it hurt. Like I lost my arm.

There are parts of my heart that still miss you. I can't have or make a razzmatazz without you popping into my head. I can't talk to God without knowing that you had a hand in that.

So to answer your question on wanting to catch up, thanks but no thanks. We both know how it go, how it would end...and I just can't do it again.

I'm sorry.
MeeShell.

 

I think I did what was right for me. Everything I said was true and brutally honest. But I can't deny that the part of my heart that misses her is breaking all over again.

What are things you can do today because of technology that you couldn't do five years ago?
Presented by Intel, Sponsors of Tomorrow.

This is an ok question, I guess. But I'm going to modify it and tweek it so that it fits a conversation I had yesterday.

"How big of a douchebag does your under 10 year old make you feel while playing on their latest gee-whiz-bang-gee- whiz-gizmo?"

I like to think I'm pretty experienced in computers. I've been around computers since back when the screen was black and only had green letters(typing class..circa 6th grade) I've been around computers when you had to start up in the DOS screen and type in WIN just to start the windows program. I've been around computers when Netscape was the popular browser for the web.

And Gaming? Hell, my generation STARTED gaming. I have saved the princess countless times playing Super Mario brothers..I jumped hundreds of hurdles and won many races on the Track game. I've delivered millions of newspapers while dodging dogs. And it started with PONG on Atari.

I used cell phones back when they came in a BAG! Back when they were called car phones. Back when the smallest cell phone you could get was the one that Zach Morris had on Saved By The Bell.

So when I see my FOUR YEAR OLD..on the computer, clicking away at the mouse..knowing where to go on the internet for his games, and I see my SEVEN YEAR OLD, kicking my ass on some Xbox or Playstation game because my hand-eye coordination is simply not as fast as his...I feel like I douchebag. When I pull out the old school Nintendo to play Super Mario Brothers...(you never forget the hidden stars/mushrooms, and you never forget the rythm) and my son says the graphics suck...I get a little defensive.

When I tell him about Game Boys when they first game out...he looks at me as if I were from Mars. You know, the ones that were big and heavy and if you dropped one it was sure to break your toe.

And when I hear my oldest son talking to his friend Skylar about "gaming"...its like he's Bill Freaking Gates. "yeah..if your guy isn't moving fast enough..you should try recalibrating him by going into the modify screen and amping up his levels." WTF? HE"S ONLY 7!!! 

I don't even know what that means.

I feel like I'm the parent who says, "You know, when I was your age, I had to walk uphill both ways to school..because THEY DIDN"T HAVE CARS BACK THEN"

Now, my boys have Game BoysAdvance, NintendoDS's, and my 7 year old even has his own digital camera and MP3 player.

How many times a day do I feel like a douchebag? At least 3. But if I don't talk about the technology I had growing up..and nod and smile when my son talks to me about his "gaming"...it's usually only once a day. (it helps if I use big words too - hell he doesn't even know what they mean....Or does he?)

Chase: Mom, you can just hit ALT - TAB to get to the other screen.

Me: What?!