Ring Ring

Earlier tonight...or last night, seeing as how it's almost two o'clock on Monday morning...the bf, charlie and i were driving home from getting a few groceries..after he spent all day working and I spent all day doing 19 loads of laundry. (yes, 19 loads of laundry...four children and two adults...*did I mention that two of those children are teenage girls?) Anyway, we were driving home and it was dark outside and I was leaning up against the passager door thinking about nothing until my friend popped into my head. And I thought about how maybe..if things work out and I am able to go down to SC to visit my grandfather who has been diagnosed with lung cancer and six to eight months to live, maybe, just maybe I'd be able to sneak away from everyone for awhile to see her. I was thinking about how great that first, "Oh my God, I can't believe I'm seeing you" hug would be. And how I would finally FINALLY be able to just let it out. I wouldn't have to say a goddamn word, because she would know. And then she'd crack a joke, make me laugh, and I'd feel centered again. I started to cry, thinking about this, and the bf asked me what was wrong..he didn't know I was crying..couldn't see the tears, so I of course, say nothing, just tired. Same old tried and true line that works.

When we pulled into the driveway and started getting groceries out and charlie out, my phone rang. But it was in my pocketbook and I had grocery bags in my hands and a three year old in my arms and I couldn't answer. I came inside, put my groceries away, and settled charlie down, I remembered that my phone rang.

And it was you. I'm sorry I missed you. And I got that centered feeling anyway, I love you,