My Dear Dear Children,
You know, before I had kids..I could stay up all night and sleep all day. I could work whatever hours I wanted or needed to, not having to worry about finding(and paying for) daycare. I was able to talk on the phone without having to stop and scream...I AM ON THE PHONE!!!. I could afford to blow my money on whatever I wanted....even if it was wasteful. I could party all night...and still have energy to go to work the next day with no or little sleep.
Before I had kids...I had great hair...no grays...no bad hair day...I had the time to fix my hair.
Before I had kids...I didn't have stretch marks...on any part of my body.
Before I had kids...I enjoyed driving a car with the windows down...singing at the top of my lungs.
Before I had kids...I could eat whatever I wanted and NOT FEEL GUILTY!! Because my metabolism was rockin.
Before I had kids...I was a sane, somewhat quirky, fun person. Before I had kids..I was NORMAL!
Before I had kids...I was able to admire a baby..a toddler..a child..and then turn them back over to their parents when they cried or did something disgusting in their pants.
Before I had kids...I didn't truely understand the meaning of frazzled.
And now...I still have to stay up all night...but it's not as fun as it used to be. I can't work before or after daycare hours. I never have phone conversations without screaming...I have no money...and no energy.
Now that I have kids...I have bad hair days all the time...I have no time to fix it.
Now that I have kids...I have stretch marks...on the back of my effing knees.
Now that I have kids...I can't roll the windows down all the way..for fear of one of you throwing a shoe..or a toy..or god forbid..each other out of it.
Now that I have kids...I'm not sane. Not normal. And never will be able.
Now that I have kids...I look at pregnant women in fear...stay away..that shit is contagious.
Now that I have kids...I am the definition of frazzled.
Now that I have kids...I finally understand the concept of unconditional love.
Now that I have kids...I am someone's everything....as they are mine.
Now that I have kids...I've never been so miserably happy in my life.
Now that I have kids...I get to play like I did when I was little.
Now that I have kids...I'm reminded of the beauty found in a dandelion...I'm reminded of wishing on shooting stars...I'm awed by the beauty of a smile that's a little crooked like mine.
Now that I have kids...I am who I'm supposed to be.
They know me in
a way that
no one ever had.
They open me to things
I never knew existed.
The drive me to
insanity and push
me to my depths.
They are the beat of
my heart, the pulse of
my veins, and the
energy in my soul...
They are my kids.
As my oldest prepares for 2nd grade and my youngest is 13 days away from turning four...I realize that what I've had to give up in order to be a parent pales in comparison to the things I've gained. And even on my worst hair day...CharlieBear still thinks I'm beautiful. And even on my crabbiest days...Chasenator always has a story that is so ridiculous it never fails to put a smile on my face. I am the lucky one. Just don't tell them that...
I Love love love NKOTB* This is my absolute favorite Jackson 5 song. Putting them together was awesome. Just awesome.
*At least, I did when I was 9. It was unhealthy, I'm sure.
